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Why being in NASCAR is better than being in the Army
So here I am in the US Army. A reservist who's been activated. Missed the end of last season and the beginning of this season. And during this time I've noticed some distinct differences between the being in the Army and being in NASCAR. Let's take a look at some: A NASCAR fan pays 4 dollars each for a hot dog and beer; we get something called an "MRE", Meal Ready to Eat. Like something they call menu #12 "hot dogs, with bun": the last time I had these Army's version of "hot dogs", I had a little trouble trying to eat something that was packed with a bag of M&M's that had an "official candy of the 1996 Atlanta Olympics" printed on the side...yummy. Jeez some of this stuff was cooked and packed about the time Kenny Schrader won his last race. (sorry Kenny) Another thing that NASCAR has is corporate sponsorships. I think that the US Army should look at having sponsors. I mean they're always yelling about the lack of money for stuff, heck having sponsors would solve a lot. We could have sponsor stickers on our HUMVEE's and our BDU's, that would liven up an otherwise drab existence. Because see while NASCAR race cars,driver and
crew uniforms and the like come in a rainbow of colors and cool looking paint schemes, we get two choices: woodland camo and the ever popular desert camo. Boring. Right now the Army has a single slogan, "An Army of one"...uh, yeah, sure(snore). If we had sponsors we could have some exciting slogans like, "Acme missiles, when you care enough to send the very best." or "Remington, the official ammo of SOUTHCOM". Speaking of SOUTHCOM General Franks, the SOUTHCOM commander's daily briefings would sound a little like a driver in victory lane: "Ladies and gentlemen, we had a very successful airstrike today and we'd like to thank our sponsor: Lockheed for their support, we couldn't have done it without them and of course all the guys back at the shop." Of course then we'd have to have different sounding names for all the campaigns. Instead of Operation "Enduring Freedom", it'd be something like, Operation Pop Secret. Instead of all the stuffed shirt retired generals and annalists on CNN, we could have Darrel Waltrip, Larry McReynolds and Benny Parsons. DW:"Wow, did you see the way that F-16 rolled in there, seemed a loose in, tight off though." Larry McReynolds:"Folks let me show you what he means by that on our FoxTrax." NASCAR guys can get their cars worked on in the pits. 4 tires and fuel in about 16 seconds. One time I turned a vehicle into motor maintenance, and I swear I'm not making this up, they actually lost it. "Gee sarge, I don't know what happened to it, it was here yesterday." Turns out they re-issued by mistake to a guy from another unit. Can't blame him, heck if someone wanted to give me a HUMVEE, I'd take it. Could you imagine if they gave the wrong car to a driver in NASCAR? Or the crew accidentally pitted the wrong car? I know, but it is funny to think about. Another difference: NASCAR drivers don't have to shine their driving shoes. Heck over the last twenty years I've spent so much on KIWI I should own the dang company .Hmm, there's a possible sponsor. Yellow flags. During a battle that'd be cool. Ok everyone, hold your position! Then we could all just sit down and work it out over some Coors Light over in the trailer. Of course we could recruit Tony Stewart. Have someone spin out his HUMVEE on the way to the battle, then just point him towards the front line and sit back and watch as he kicks everyone’s butt. Another idea for a recruit. Remember back in World War II when the government recruited Najavo Indians to use as radiomen. Seems they used their own native language as a type of code that the enemy never could break. Well NASCAR has Ward Burton.We could make "Burtonese" the official secret coded language, heck then no one could break it. We'd have to recruit his brother Jeff as a translator though. WARD:" Churg twup tat der ill man." Soldier:" Huh?" JEFF: "The general said to charge up that hill men." Another thing. NASCAR guys get to sleep in those big fancy RV's. The Army says "We gave you a shovel and a sleeping bag, what more do you want?" We also have to put up with bad haircuts. Our hair has to "present a neat tapered appearance and be no more than an eighth of an inch in bulk..etc,etc,etc". That's why most of the time soldiers have a "high and tight" haircut, the close cut shaved head kind of thing you always see on most of us.
Heck that's a lot easier than trying to figure out exactly what the Army is trying to say in that regulation. I feel that we should be allowed to have Kyle Petty type ponytails if we want, then maybe we could learn some type of kung fu moves with it, you know whip it around some . "Hi-ya...snap!" NASCAR crew members have to wear helmets on pit road this year. They have several to choose from and they look cool. We wear one helmet, Kevlar, heavy, hot and not exactly a fashion statement. NASCAR drivers get paid millions of dollars just for showing up at a track, okay maybe not that much, but at least they get paid. Try and activate a hundred thousand reservists and throw them into an already overburdened military pay system. It's kind of like handing a tire changer ten extra lug nuts during a pit stop. Okay, so as you can tell I've been away from NASCAR a little too long, but what the heck I don't mind I've got a job to do and I'll do it, besides I get to eat these great lunches. Um, anyone want these M&M's?
Thanks all and God Bless America! While you're here visit our RACESHOP! Top Stories from the
BREAKING NEWS AND HEADLINES (updated throughout the day)
The Greatest NASCAR Story Ever Told: Part 5
(Hi gang. This is the latest installment in a continuing series. If you haven't read parts 1-4 yet then I urge you to do so. If you don't I can assure you you'll have no idea what's going on! Now with everything that's going on in America right at the moment and because I've been called up to active military service with the US Army to help deal with it, I don't know when part 6 will be done or even started for that matter. At any rate, here's part 5 and like real life right now, I have no idea how, or when, it will end.)
Thanks all and God Bless America! Part 1,click here
Junior held his breath.
The cold steel seemed to press further into his back, as though it were
prodding him forward.
"Put your hands in the air, slow, real slow now." The voice behind him
growled, "Now head towards the fire."
Junior felt that at that moment he had no choice but to comply, perhaps later he could find a way to deal with whoever, or considering where he was at, whatever now pushed him forward.
Junior slowly put his hands up into the air and began to walk towards the
fire. As he did he heard a thump. An instant later the object pressing on his back was gone. He then heard a large object fall on the ground behind him followed by a barely audible "ummph".
Junior dared not move. The only sounds now were the crackling of the fire and the cold wind as it whispered through the trees; That and Juniors heartbeat.
After a few seconds, Junior turned his head slowly and looked back over his shoulder. Out of the corner of his eye he could see a hand laying on the ground and a silver cylindrical object just out of reach of the outstretched fingers. Junior sighed, relaxed, dropped his hands and slowly turned around, wondering all the while who his savior was.
There, in the glow of the firelight stood Gomer. Silver face grinning, eyes
closed, hands behind his back. Junior began to lift a finger and pointed first at Gomer, then to the figure laying on the ground at his feet.
"Wait a minute...", he said, "How did you....," he hesitated, " I mean, you've been squeaking, rattling, all this time...I should've heard you coming from a mile away."
"Aw, weren't nothin'" Gomer said still smiling, eyes closed, "I can be real
quiet when I want to...it's just most of the time, I don't want to."
"Jeez,", Junior said as bent over the figure lying at his feet, "I hope you
didn't hurt him."
Junior started to reach down, a moan came from the figure and as his eyes
adjusted to the light from the fire, Junior saw that the figure was that of a man, a normal, ordinary run-of-the-mill, human, man.
At least he hoped so.
He seemed to be about fifty years old or so. His hair, flecked with streaks
of gray, was pulled back into a long ponytail behind his head. He had a bushy moustache and Junior could see that his hands weren't unaccustomed to hard work.
Junior chuckled when he realized that the silver can that lay just out of the
grasp of the man's hand, the can that moments before had seemed so menacing as it pressed up against his back, was actually nothing more threatening than a beer can.
Junior reached over and pushed the can out of the way, the man moaned again
and began to move. Junior placed a hand gently on the mans shoulder,
"There, there now dude, just take it easy." He said.
Gomer came forward then leaned down over the man, he seemed to dwarf the
figure on the ground.
"Gosh, I sure hope I didn't hurt him" He said.
Then he leaned down even farther, until his face was only inches away, "He's still breathin'", Gomer said.
It was at that moment that the man's eyes opened. He blinked several times,
long enough for his vision to adjust to the darkness.
"Mister, are you alright ?" Gomer said.
When he saw the silver face, inches away, the man screamed. He began to scramble backwards using his hands and feet to propel himself along the ground away from Gomer as fast as he could, knocking Junior down in the process.
"Jeez, what the hell is that!" he said, his eyes wide.
The man stopped only when his back came to a large tree.
"It's okay, relax, man" Junior said as he pushed himself up from the
ground.
He then moved slowly towards the man leaning against the tree, Junior held
out his hand, palm out, as he did. When he got about five feet from the man,
Junior slowly leaned down making sure he was just out of the man's reach, "we're friends", he said. "What's your name stranger?" Junior said.
The mans gaze never left Gomer. "Tom," the man said, "Tom Roberts."
Then the man turned and looked at Junior. "Well Tom, I'm...." Junior
started to say.
The man cut him off. "I know who you are," he said.
Junior nodded," So how did you get here, Tom?"
Tom slowly pulled himself up. Still leaning against the tree slightly, he
looked down at the ground.
"I don't really know, I mean one minute I'm in the infield at Darlington,
getting ready to watch you race," He looked at Junior and smiled slightly,
"The next thing I knew, I was here." Tom looked back at Gomer," Where ever
'here' is."
The slight smile was gone.
"Yeah, I have the same question." Junior said looking around, "but I don't
guess we'll be able to find anything out tonight," He sighed,
"Is that you're backpack Tom?" Junior asked looking at a small black
backpack laying by the fire.
"Yes it is," Tom replied," When I woke up here it was still in my hand."
Tom walked over to the pack and picked it up, "Not much in it, " he proceeded to open the bag and look inside, "got some old beef jerky, jar of peanuts, smokes, and four cans of beer."
He stopped looked down at the can on the ground and chuckled, "oh, I
meant three cans of beer."
"Well like I said, don't reckon we'll find out much tonight." Junior walked
over by the fire. He sat down and leaned against a tree, then yawned.
Tom followed, taking up a seat on the ground opposite Junior. Both men stared into the fire for a long time. Tom finally grabbed the backpack and opened it.
"Here," he said tossing something to Junior, "Have some jerky."
The package landed on Juniors lap. He hesitated at first then feeling the
rumbling in his stomach picked up the package and opened it. He sniffed the jerky before biting in to it.
Both men continued to stare at the fire. Tom spoke first.
"So how did you end up here?" He asked.
Junior sighed and continued to stare in to the fire as he spoke.
He told of his adventures up to this point. About waking up in his hauler after seemingly being on the track moments before. Then the Snaf, the weird look of the infield,meeting Gomer and finally the woman. The woman who's
scent still seemed to linger in his mind.
"So do you think this place is real...or a dream?" Tom said after Junior had
finished.
"I don't know what to think." Junior yawned, " I just know that whatever this is, the only way to get home is to follow that road, "Junior pointed in the direction of the road, "Although, I don't think that if this were a dream, "he yawned again, "I'd could be this tired."
Junior moved out from the tree behind him slightly and leaned back. He was
almost fully stretched out on the ground now.
"Well, if you want I'll take first watch, "Tom said.
Gomer who'd been sitting just out of view in the woods, finally spoke.
"I'll keep a watch out." he said.
Tom eyed him suspiciously.
"I mean, it's not like I have to sleep."Gomer said.He grinned and stuck his
chin out.
"Reckon we can trust him?" Tom said.
Junior's eyes were closed, "I'd trust him." Junior said his voice trailing
off as he fell into a deep sleep.
Tom sighed and looked at Gomer.
"You let anybody or anything get through and I'll take that toolbox of your's and turn you into a microwave or something, you hear." He pointed a finger at the silver man.
Gomer looked at him and twisted up his face.
"What's a , a microwave?" he said.
Tom just shook his head, "Never mind, just keep an eye out."
Tom stretched out and soon the sound of snoring filled the air.
In the distance an owl hooted.
The darkness around Junior was absolute. The fire was out and there wasn't a sound. Junior stood for a moment in hopes that his eyes would adjust and he
would be able to see something, anything. It was after nearly a minute Junior realized that there would be no adjustment to the darkness.
He wondered where Gomer was and began to whisper his name.
"Gomer" he said in a loud whisper.
"Gomer", he said a bit louder.
Getting no response, he began to grope around in the darkness. Reaching his
hands in front he walked slowly towards where he thought the remnants of the fire were.
He shuffled his feet hoping to feel his way along. Strange he thought, instead of the earth of the forest floor under him, the surface seemed to be smooth. He stopped and reached down. It startled and frightened him,somewhat when he realized that his hand was touching a cold flat, smooth surface.
It was at that moment he heard a low, deep growl. It resonated around him. The sound shook the ground and echoed all around him. Junior remained crouched down and waited. A strange, awful, putrid smell drifted into his nose.
There was another growl, louder this time and Juniors heart beat faster.
The fire came from his left. A flame cut through the darkness and shot over
his head.
Junior reacted by dropping down to the floor. He could feel the heat directly above him.
As quickly as it started the shaft of flame retreated, leaving a small fire on
his right. Junior not having any idea what was happening, lay motionless on the floor.
After a second or two,he slowly turned and looked over his shoulder.
In the glow from the fire he could make out the outline of something,
although he couldn't tell what, behind him. He saw two red dots on top of the shape, then another whiff of the putrid smell assaulted him. Junior reacted without thought and rolled to his left, an instant later another shaft of flame lit up the darkness and hit at the exact spot where he'd been only seconds before.
Weird, thought Junior, the very floor he'd just rolled clear of, the floor that felt as though it were metallic, was now on fire.
The dark shape behind him now let out a loud,in-human, earth shattering roar.
Junior took in a deep breath and pushed himself up to turn and face whatever
the shape behind him was.
The shape was more visible in the fire light now. The red dots were actually the eyes of a large,very formidable beast. Junior felt he'd seen something like it before, somewhere, he just couldn't remember where.
These were to be the last moments of his life, he thought to himself.He
reached down to grab the large wrench he'd placed in his waistband earlier. These may be the last moments of his life but he wouldn't go down without a fight.
Instead of the wrench though, he felt a large metal handle. His gaze never
left the beast as he pulled on the handle. Whatever was attached to the handle was long and heavy. It was a moment before he fully withdrew the object and held it in front of him.
In the glow from the firelight, he saw that he now held a very large, quite
heavy sword.
The metal glinted as he turned and hefted it in his hands, it felt good and
he knew that now he might just have a fighting chance. He pointed the tip towards the beast.
"Alright, now let's see what you've got." Junior said softly.
The beast roared. Then much to Juniors surprise the beast spoke:
"You should never have some here little man." It said The voice sounded like a chorus of thousands of voices all joined together and it echoed and seemed to be coming from everywhere all at once," You were warned, little man." the beast said.
The putrid smell hit Junior again and he leapt aside just as another shaft of
flame came from the beast and hit the floor where he stood.
The beast roared again.
Junior then let out his own roar and charged the beast.
The end of the sword came in contact with the beast. Junior using all his
strength, tried to run the beast through below it's head, into the area of it's throat.
But the sword did not penetrate. Instead it was as though the skin of the
beast were steel.
The sword broke in half, leaving Junior standing there holding the handle and the other half. The sound of metal contacting the floor echoed into the distance.
The beast laughed, an evil, hideous laugh, a thousand voices laughing in
unison.
The beast then raised it's front leg and swatted Junior as though he were
nothing more than a fly.
Junior was thrown perhaps thirty feet through the air. He landed with a thud, knocking the wind out of him. The remnants of the sword lay just out of his reach.
Junior was on his stomach, one hand out towards the sword, trying to catch his breath
He smelled the putrid odor.
"You were warned, little man." The thousand voices whispered just behind his head.
The beast roared.
Junior tried to scream, but couldn't.
The flame lit up the darkness.
His feet became warm, then hot.
He awoke with a start.
Junior sat up quickly and saw his feet were indeed warm, but only because
they were too near the remnants of the fire.
And he breathed a sigh of relief.
Tom was across from him, snoring loudly.
He remembered where he was at. And he then realized that wherever "here" was and whatever was happening to him must be real, because you couldn't have one dream while having another.
Could you?
He drew his knees up to his chest. The glow from the fire was still barely
evident. The woods around him were just beginning to be more visible. It must be almost dawn he thought. Birds were beginning to chirp, the air was cool and damp.
And he was relieved. It had been a bad dream and it was over.
Wasn't it?
"You okay, sir?" Gomer whispered from behind him.
Junior continued to look at the glow from the fire in front of him," Yeah, I think so," He said, "I think so".
Gomer moved towards the fire. He was carrying some wood. He gently placed it
on the ground. Then laid several on the embers and using a small stick stoked the fire.
Moments later small flames began to dance.
Junior sighed and reclined back against the tree behind him. He closed his
eyes.
And wished he would wake up again.
The sun as nearly overhead now. The three, Junior, Tom and Gomer, walked
along the yellow road silently. The only sound was the soft hush of the gentle breeze and the metallic squeaking of Gomers toolbox as he pulled it along behind him.
The trio stared out at a landscape around them that had turned from the woods where they'd spent the previous night, to gently rolling green hills as far as the eye could see.
Their movement along the road had been the same for several hours.
"Down the hill, up the hill" Junior said to himself.
They'd go down then up to the next hill. And when they'd come to the top,
the landscape was still the same.
About mid-way up on of the hills Junior noticed a tattoo on Tom's right
forearm, an eagle perched on a globe with anchor behind it.
Junior yawned. "Hope we don't have to go too far", he said hoping to make
conversation.
"Tired of walking already?" Tom quipped.
"Just bored," came the reply.
"What do you do, by the way?" Junior asked Tom.
Tom sighed, "I own a machine shop up in Kernersville," he said.
Junior nodded.
"Bought it about ten years ago." Tom added.
"You were in the Marines before?" Junior pointed at Toms forearm.
Tom chuckled and held the arm in front of him.
They'd come to the top of the hill. The landscape was still the same. The
trio stopped, Tom sighed. Both men stared straight ahead.
"Twenty-two years" Tom said. Then started walking again.
Junior quickly followed, soon matching steps with Tom.
"Wathca' do?" Junior asked.
"Whatever they told me" Tom said with a smile.
Junior chuckled.
"When I retired I was a Gunnery Sergeant in an infantry company." Tom sighed
again.
"Married?"
"Longer than you been alive, boy". Tom answered still smiling.
"Kids?"
"Look, are you really interested, or just bored?" Tom said.
"A little bit of both" Said Junior.
Tom was silent for a few moments. The men walked along and started down yet
another gentle hill.
Tom sighed heavily before he spoke.
"I had two kids, a daughter, who'd be oh about, three years younger than you and a son."
Junior could sense that there was something painful in Tom's words. He felt
it would be better if he allowed Tom to speak without too many more questions.
The trio was just cresting the top of the next hill when Tom continued,"The daughter ran away from home when she was sixteen," Tom hesitated then sighed again, "The son died when he was four."
"I'm sorry, "Junior said.
"Ah heck, don't worry about that," Tom put a hand on Junior's shoulder, "It's
been a long time and I'm okay with it now," Tom looked over and grinned, "My son would have been about your age had he... Anyway guess that's why I follow you like I do."
"Thanks," Junior said. He'd forgotten who he was, back in the 'real world'.
Of course he'd be that again, if he ever got back.
" You know, I was mad at God for awhile, then the Marines and heck then the
whole world." Tom was walking slower now, staring straight ahead as he spoke.
Junior felt like he was hearing some kind of confession.
"I was in some god forsaken port, on some godforsaken boat somewhere, when
they told me. A Navy chaplain came broke the news about my son. Told me that sometimes God has reasons for everything, said that we may not be able to figure it out at the time,maybe not even until we stand before Him on Judgement day, but in the end there is some kind of reason for what He does."
Tom paused.
"Know what I thought, Junior?"
Junior simply shook his head. Tom stopped and looked over at him.
"I thought God was an idiot."
Tom started walking again, Junior followed.
They were in a small valley between two hills. Tom walked to the edge of the
road and sat down. He took the backpack off. Tom then reached inside and pulled out more of the beef jerky.
Junior sat down beside him and took one of the pieces Tom offered to him.
Gomer stood a respectable distance from the men and stared at them.
Tom looked at the metal man.
"Why would God, supposedly kind and loving and all that, take a child
barely four years old?"
He said while he slowly chewed. He spoke again before Junior could answer,
not that Junior had a answer to give.
"Leukemia, they said, nothing they could do, hmmph,ain't no good reason I've figured out so far. Guess maybe I'll have to ask Him myself, when I see him."
The men ate in silence for a few minutes.
"You reckon God'll ever give you a good reason?" Junior finally asked.
"Well if he don't boy, I'm liable to punch him right in the nose... if has
one." Tom looked over and grinned.
"And if he sends he to hell for that, well then so be it. Trust me, I've been
there, done that. My hell was filled with little men in black pajamas when I was a teenager and hot as a desert in the Middle East,years later." Tom sighed, then finished his jerky. He stared straight ahead, "Led a bunch of Force Recon Marines there, worked awful hard at keepin' them kids alive too." Tom's voice trailed off." Thought for awhile that heck maybe that was it,maybe God wanted me to see my own son in those teenage Marines there in that desert. You know, work harder at keepin' 'em alive.Guess it worked too, didn't lose a single one."
"But, in hindsight, I don't think that was the reason, aww heck, I don't
know, guess I'm still searchin'".
Junior was looking at the piece of jerky in his hand, it tasted like cardboard
and he was having a hard time chewing it.
"You better eat that boy," Tom pointed at it, "It may taste like a piece of
tree bark, but you need something in that skinny belly of yours."
Junior heeded the advice and tore another bit off with his teeth, he forced a
smile as he tried to chew it. Tom smiled back, then turned and looked straight ahead again.
"What happened to your daughter?" Junior said while chewing.
"Oh we hear from her every once in a while. She went to Florida, doin' okay."
Tom drew his knees up to his chest, he'd finished his jerky.
"She never married or settled down or anything. Works in a restaurant,
waitin' tables."
"Do you ever see her?"
"Naw, we haven't seen her since she left. She doesn't want to see us, she
says."
Tom looked back at Junior, the look on his was face was hard, stern.
"We never abused her or anything like that. Jenny, that's her name, blames it
on the fact that we weren't a 'normal' family. You know me gone all the time."
Tom's gaze softened.
"Boy, I lost so much while I was a Marine, but at the time I didn't realize
it. Lost my daughter, my son, my family, my wife left about five years ago, we still talk and I hope we can patch things up, we're still not officially divorced or anything."
"Anyway, I figured if I were
in some port somewhere on some ship somewhere that the Marines were my family and that was good enough for me. Least that’s what I thought. But you know something? The day I retired, the day I took off that uniform, was the day, I lost my Marine family too."
"Came home, my wife didn't really want anything to do with me, I knew then it
was only a matter of time, and without my kids or my Marines, I had nothin'...well as corny as it might sound, 'cept you and that racin' stuff." Tom looked over and grinned slightly.
"Don't ever get so wrapped up in this stuff that you forget who really cares
about you, boy. I did and sometimes I think it cost me everything."
You're a hell of a race car driver, but without family, you're really
nothin'."
"You don't have a girlfriend do you boy?" Tom asked.
Junior had a brief flash of an image of the woman he 'd met what seemed like
a lifetime ago now, a whiff of a memory. He shook his head.
"You know, havin' a mom and dad's great, but not having someone there
,waiting on the other side of your front door when you get home at night, well let me tell you, that's the worst feelings in the world."
Tom looked up towards the sky.
"I remember bein' home on leave for the last time before he died. He'd just
started walking. I came home one evening and he toddled on out to the driveway to meet me. My wife was standing at the door, she looked so pretty, smiling, leaning against the door. I scooped my boy up and at that moment I felt somethin' I'd never felt before or since."
"I don't know what it was or how to describe it but man it felt good and I wish now I'd done everything in my power to keep that feeling alive." Tom sighed, "I should have quit the Corps right then and there. Walked away, worked on my family. But like an idiot I didn't and that ,boy, is one of the biggest regrets of my life."
Tom looked over at Junior again.
"You know another big regret?"
Junior shook his head.
"I never cried" Tom sighed,
"I was a United States Marine, big boys don't
cry."
"Now?" Junior said.
"Too late, too late for that now," Tom sighed again then smiled," I'm too far
over it."
They heard a noise behind them. Tom acted almost without thought, or so it
seemed to Junior. He turned and in an instant had spun around and was flat on his belly on the ground. He grabbed Junior by the shoulder and brought him down as he went, roughly. Junior got a sense of what one of Tom's privates must have felt like during combat in a desert halfway around the World.
The noise, it sounded to Junior like voices, seemed to be coming from just
the other side of the hill that they now lay at the bottom of.
Tom looked over his shoulder at Gomer still standing on the road. Tom pointed
at him then motioned for him to get down. Gomer quickly and thankfully, silently, complied.
The noise, it was a voice or voices he was sure of it, now sounded like shouting.
"You two stay here," Tom said, "Silver man, if there's any trouble I expect
you back me up ok?"
Toms voice was barely above a whisper.
"Okay." came the muted reply. Junior glanced over and was surprisd to see
Gomer laying no more than a foot from him.
"Jeez, how do you that?" He whispered to Gomer.
"Well, I can be real quiet..."Gomer started to whisper.
Tom put his hand up," SSHH" He said, "Hush."
More shouts drifted from the other side of the hill.
Tom rose up slightly and began to head up the hill. Junior tapped him on the
foot as he went by.
Tom stopped and looked back over his shoulder.
Junior lifted up and took the large wrench from his waistband, then handed it
to Tom.
Tom took it, looked at it, then glanced back at Junior with a grin." Wish
this was an M-14," he whispered hoarsely. He then turned and continued up the hill crouching on all fours.
Junior watched Tom make his way up the hill slowly. He was impressed and
grateful, that Tom was going. The skills Tom had learned and no doubt used in the military were evident as he made his way towards the top of the hill.
About five feet from the crest, Tom flattened back down and "low-crawled" , inching quickly along the ground on his belly the rest of the way.
He slowed almost to a stop as he reached the top. Tom slowly, cautiously,
peered over to the other side. Another shout could be heard.
After a moment, Tom slowly rose to his feet. He put his hands on his hips and
cocked his head sideways. Without turning around, he motioned for the Junior and Gomer to join him.
"C'mon," Junior said to Gomer. He got up then looked behind him only to see
Gomer back at the road reaching for the handle to his toolbox.
Junior shook his head. How the heck did he do that? He wondered.
"Leave that here, we'll come back for it." He said to him. Gomer complied and
after a moment the two joined Tom at the top of the hill.
Tom was staring down into the small valley on the other side if the hill.
Junior was amazed at what he saw.
The figure of a, well Junior couldn't exactly tell what, was at the top of the far side . It appeared to have two arms, a head and two legs, but they looked like large doughnuts stacked atop one another. The head had two large ears protruding from it and large bulbous hands that were at the moment, held straight up over it's body. The entire figure was jet black.
"WHOO HOO!" It shouted, then much to Juniors surprise, jumped sideways and
rolled down the hill.
"Tires" Tom said.
"What?" Junior replied.
"Tires, it looks like it's made out of tires.
The figure, now 'rolling' to a stop at the bottom of the hill, immediately
rose and started running back up to the top of the far hill. When it got there, it held it arms up again.
"WHOO HOO!" It shouted again, then repeated the roll down the hill.
"C'mon," Tom said as he started down the hill. Junior and Gomer quickly
followed.
The three stood at the bottom of the hill where the figure had last stopped.
The , whatever it was Junior thought, was back at the top now, he seemed to be in his own world and hadn't noticed the trio.
The black figure rolled towards them. The three moved out of the way to let
it pass by.
"Whoo, whoo whoo!" It was saying as it passed.
The three stared at it. Tom had his hands on his hips. Junior noticed that
the wrench was stuck in the small of Tom's back as he turned to watch the figure roll by.
The figure stopped about ten feet beyond Tom, who stood slightly in front of
Junior.
The figure looked at Tom with eyes that seemed, unnaturally large.
"Oh, hello!" It said.
Junior noticed that Tom reached slowly behind him and placed a hand on the
wrench.
"Hello," Tom said.
The figure quickly rose to it's 'feet'. Tom took a step backwards, Junior did
as well. Junior couldn't tell where Gomer was, his eyes were fixed on the figure in front of him.
Junior could now see that whatever 'it' was, really was made of tires all
stacked on top of one another. the figure stood slightly taller than the men, hands on it's 'hips', smiling through a large, almost cartoonish looking mouth.
"And who might you 'fellas be now?" It said.
Tom spoke first,"I'm Tom and this is," he stepped aside to expose Junior,"
This is..."
The figures eyes grew larger and slight his grin now turned to a full smile.
"WHOO HOO!" He shouted. Junior was startled.
The figure advanced towards them. Tom had the wrench out in an instant and
now stood in front of Junior and held it in front of him.
The figure stopped and began to laugh, loudly,
"And what pray tell would you be going to do with THAT?" he asked pointing to the wrench.
Tom felt a flush as he looked at the wrench he held out in front of him. He
felt almost embarrassed.
"Hit me." The figure said , holding out one of his arms out. Tom hesitated.
"Go on...HIT ME!" The figure said smiling.
Tom swung the large wrench with all his might towards the 'arm'. The wrench
struck, there was a dull 'thunk' sound. The wrench then bounced off the arm.
"OWWW!" The figure shouted pulling his arm in, "I think he broke it!" The
figure seemed to cringe, "WAAAA! That'll leave a mark!" The figure was bent over now holding one arm with the other, "He bwoke my wittle arm!" he said. Then he suddenly stopped. The figure rose up, put his hands on his hips and laughed.
"Okay, all better now!"
Tom looked at the wrench in front of him. His hand still stung from the force
of the blow.
"Dude," The figure said almost flippantly. He slapped his torso, there was
another dull 'thunk'. "I'm made of rubber. Steel belted, my friend." He walked forward, "Now let me see that one behind you."
Tom moved out of the way.
Junior was frightened as the large dark figure loomed before him.
"Well what 'a you know." It said, "It really is, after all this time." He
reached out and gently picked Junior up by the shoulders, "A driver!" he said laughing, "a real honest to goodness driver!"
"Been a long time since I seen one of you guys!" He said as he slowly placed
Junior back on the ground.
"Mechanic, you ain't got nothing' to fear, but if you come any closer, I'm
gonna' turn that toolbox into a pile of metal." He winked at Junior and smiled.
Junior noticed that Gomer was now almost directly behind the figure, pulling
his toolbox closely behind. Junior shook his head.
"Never mess with a gearheads toolbox, gets 'um every time." The figure said to Junior under his breath with another wink.
"'So, what's you're name?" Tom said.
"Name?" the figure replied, "Hmm, let's see now, my 'name'...Oh yeah! I got
it!" The figure put his hands on his hips and stuck out his chest, then put his chin up and looked into the distance.
"I am Tireman! Da, da daa!", He ended singing, "Defender of truth, justice
and the wheel rim!"
His voice now changed, it deepened and it reminded Junior of a radio announcer, "Along with my trusty sidekick, 'Chassis Boy, I roam the country side seeking to defend the poor and bent rims!"
He paused, put down his hands and looked back and forth at the two men
standing on either side of him He cleared his throat before continuing.
"Uh hum, well okay, so I'm not REALLY a superhero, and I don't have a
sidekick, but jeez you guys, it gets so boring out here, all alone for all this time, I gotta' do something!"
Junior and Tom looked at each other.
"You know who he looks like, don't you?" Tom said.
"Yeah, the guy from that tire commercial." Junior replied.
The figure looked back and forth at the two men as they talked.
"Hmm, so there big guy, I think we'll call you, 'Mitch.'" Tom said. Junior
chuckled.
"Perfect." He said.
"Mitch?" The figure said, "Mitch?" The figure put his hands on his hips and stared out into the distance,"...hmm, Mmmitch. Not bad, not bad, Matter of fact it's 'kinda got a nice ring too it. I like it!" He looked at the two men in front of him, "By the way, what's a 'commercial'?"
"Don't worry about it, you wouldn't really understand and besides we've got to move on." Junior said.
"So, are you 'fellas going to a race. Please,PLEASE, tell me you're going to a race...It's been such a LONG time since I've been to a race." Mitch said.
"Well, to be honest we really don't know where we're going, just following that road." Junior pointed to the road. He took a moment and gave a brief history of their adventure to that point.
"You were at the track?" Mitch said after Junior had finished. He reached out and gently took Junior by his shoulders." Man, it's been so long since I've been to the track."
Mitch stood back and looked into the distance again, "I remember those days: plenty of cars to work on, cheering crowds, drivers, racing around, cars zooming by...ZOOM!" He waved then held his hand down and drew it in front of him as he made the 'ZOOM' sound, "Gosh, those were the days."
"What kind of work do you do on the cars? " Tom asked.
"Well my friend, with apologies to my mechanic friend there, "He pointed at Gomer," MINE, is the most important job of all."
He looked at Junior, "Let me ask you something driver, 'loose in tight
out", how would you fix that on a pit stop, under green...hmm?" He cocked an 'ear' towards Junior.
Junior hesitated before answering, trying to think of the right answer," Umm, 'Wedge?"
Mitch frowned then shook his head.
"Track bar?"
Mitch continued to shake his head.
Mitch put his hand up in front of Juniors face, then looked at Tom, "Nice enough guy, this driver you got here," He pointed a thumb at Junior, " but seems to be a couple cylinders short of a full engine block, if you know what I mean."
Tom smiled.
"Question, there driver, how 'bout adding a little air pressure on the right rear..." He cocked his 'ear' towards Junior again, then held his hand, palm up and curled his fingers back and forth, "say it, c'mon, won't hurt, I don't bite,"
"Tire" Junior said.
"WHOO HOO!" Mitch shouted, "You 'da man! Give him a gold star!" Mitch threw his arms up into the air. He then leaned over and put his arm around Juniors shoulder.
"You can have yourself the best engine in the world, fastest crew, best driver, but my friend if you can't get that power to the ground, you ain't gonna go anywhere. So mine is the most important job on a race team...shocks, suspension and oh, I like this part, TIRES, oooh, I just got a chill, let me say that again...TIRES!" He smiled and winked at Junior, "Where the rubber meets the road, that's where I work."
"How did you end up here?" Tom asked.
Mitch stood back and looked into the air, "Well, to tell you the truth, I don't really know. I remember working at the races, a long, long, LONG time ago. Then one day, the Wizard came along with those, uh umm 'drivers' and told all of us that we were finished, didn't need us anymore. Them 'drivers' of his started causin' all the 'gearheads'," He pointed at Gomer, "and the rest of us to vanish. I didn't quite know where everyone was going to, so I figured it was best if I snuck out the back. I left through the 'back door' so to speak and just started walking.”
“Since then I've just kinda' been wandering around these hills and to be honest getting bored, bored, BORED."
"So you know the Wizard then, huh?" Junior said.
"Sure do," Mitch replied, "Don't quite know what made him turn like he did, used to be a pretty nice guy, then that one day, man..." Mitch hesitated a moment, "Are you guys going to try and actually find him?"
Tom nodded.
"Well I sure would like to ask him what happened to him."
"You wouldn't be scared he'd make you vanish like the rest?" Junior said.
"Nah, heck, if he made me vanish, it actually be a nice change, "Mitch sighed, "cause it sure is boring out here! Besides, maybe there'll be another race, MAN, that'd be great!"
"You ever heard of "Race City?"" Tom asked.
"Yeah, but I'll be darned if I could ever find it." Mitch said.
"Well that's where we're headed. You're welcomed to go along, if you want to." Junior added.
"If I want to? If I WANT TO?" Mitch laughed, loudly, "OF course I want to! Driver, if I spend another day wandering' these hills like this, I'm liable to blow a valve stem, if you know what I mean!" He put his arms in front of him and looked at them, "Shoot, I already think I've lost some
wheel weights."
Tom and Junior looked at each other. Tom rolled his eyes.
"Well then, let's get goin'. We're burning daylight" Tom turned and headed for the road.
A new sound now drifted in the air around the group. Along with the rattling of Gomer's toolbox, was the sound of rubber squeaking as Mitch walked.
Tom looked over at Junior. Both men were in front of the little group.
"I hope we find this place soon." Tom said.
Junior looked back over his shoulder, Mitch made a loud rubbery squeak as he raised one of his "arms".
He looked back at Tom and winced, then smiled, "Yeah me too."
Mitch would not stop talking. The entire two hours the group had been walking along the road, up the hill, then down the hill, Mitch had been talking.
"So then, he came in and I knew, man I knew. Two rounds of wedge and a little bit more air pressure and BAM, he just about lapped the entire field!" Mitch said.
Tom stopped suddenly. He turned and faced Mitch. Junior and Gomer both stopped and watched.
Tom put his hand up in front of Mitch. Keeping his hand up he turned and faced Gomer.
"Do you have a scratch awl somewhere in that toolbox of yours?" He asked Gomer.
"Um sure, third drawer down, left hand side." Gomer replied.
Tom reached over, opened the drawer and retrieved a small pointed object with a wooden handle. He then turned and faced Mitch, raising the tool pointing it at him.
"Would this thing go through them steel belts of yours 'tireboy'?" Tom asked.
Mitch's eyes grew wide, he put both his hands up and began to walk backwards.
"Don't do that, please, PLEASE,!" He said.
Tom put the tool down,"Then keep your dang mouth shut." He said. Tom placed the tool back into the still open drawer. He then turned and continued walking.
Junior and Gomer looked at each other, Junior raised his eye brows. Gomer slowly closed the toolbox drawer.
The group began walking again. Mitch followed, silently.
The sky off the far right hand side of the group was slowly changing. Dark clouds were beginning to build, slowly. No one said a word, until the gentle rumble of thunder was heard from the distance.
Tom looked around at the bleak, barren landscape.
"Great," He said, "That's just great."
The sky to one side grew darker. There was a flash of lightening. Followed moments later by another soft rumble.
Junior was looking at clouds building on the right and seemingly closing in on them as they walked. The group, led by the two men were just cresting another hill. Junior was still watching the gathering storm on the right.
"Well Tom, now what?" He said.
He hadn't noticed Tom had stopped until Tom reached out and gently put a hand on Juniors shoulder to stop him. Junior looked over at Tom, who was staring straight ahead.
"Guess that's your answer, "Tom said as he dipped his chin slightly forward. Junior turned to look.
There slightly below them, a woodline now stretched from horizon to horizon. The road led directly into the center of the woods. Another rumble, louder this time came to them, followed by a cool gust of air.
Junior began scan the woods from left to right. The woodline looked the same as far as he could see. A flock of large, black, birds circled over part of the woodline on the left side.
"Looks like we've got a welcoming committee." Tom said. Junior looked at Tom, who was still staring straight ahead. Tom dipped his chin again.
In the distance almost at the point where the road entered the woods, stood a lone figure. From this distance though, and considering where they were at, Junior couldn't be sure if it was a man or something else. A putrid smell lingered in his mind.
As the two men got closer, Junior could see that it was indeed a man, wearing a drivers suit and dark sunglasses standing in the road. His arms were crossed in front of his chest. Junior thought he recognized the man has they drew nearer.
"Matt?" Junior said, "Matt is that you?" The figure didn't move.
Junior began to walk towards the figure. Tom took hold of Juniors arm and stopped him.
"Hold on." Tom said.
Tom slowly walked towards the figure. Junior couldn't tell where the figure was looking because of the dark sunglasses.
Tom approached the figure cautiously. He walked around first the left side of the figure then the right. The figure turned only his head in response to Tom's movements.
"Matt?" Junior said again.
"It isn't him," Tom said as he walked around behind the figure, who's head turned slowly as it followed Tom, “Matter of fact, I don’t think he’s even here.”
It was then that Junior saw what Tom meant: he could see Tom as he stood behind the figure, because the figure itself was actually transparent.
Tom slowly reached his arm out towards the man, it went through to the other side. Tom moved back.
The figure began to laugh. It's head leaned back, the arms still crossed in front.
But there was no sound.
Then the figure stopped laughing. It turned towards Junior and slowly removed the sunglasses.
They eyes that stared back at Junior were as black as coal.
The figure smiled.
Junior felt a chill. Thunder echoed across the small valley. In the distance came the sound of a single crow.
A flash lit up the sky followed closely by the sharp crack of thunder.
And then the figure was gone.
The group stood four abreast across the road about five feet from the point where it entered the dark woods. Raindrops were beginning to fall. A heavy damp smell hung in the air.
"You ever been scared boy?" Tom said. He stared at the woods in front of them.
"Sure" Junior replied.
Tom turned towards Junior, "Nah, I mean have you ever been REALLY scared."
Junior hesitated for a moment and thought.
"Once, just before I was going to do my first parachute jump." Junior said, "You know jumping out of a perfectly good airplane."
Tom looked back at the woods, "How did you handle it?" He asked.
Junior smiled, "I jumped, of course."
Tom smiled.
The group walked forward into the darkness.
At that moment Junior felt he was walking into a very uncertain future indeed.
Thanks for your time DALE EARNHARDT MEMORIAL PAGE, Click here Past Commentaries Older commentaries: Check out "Scrapbook: Memories of the early years with Buck Baker" this weeks REWIND feature!
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Lillian Martin and her 10-year-old grandson, Joshua Bryant, disappeared from their residence in Deltona, Florida, on May 12, 2001. Upon returning to the residence that afternoon, several other family members, who also lived there, discovered that the two were missing. The garage door was open, although Martin's vehicle was left parked in the driveway, and the house had been vandalized.
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A DEFINITION OF PATRIOTISM
(The article below was first written and published in 1991. It was done as part of a class assignment for the Non-Commissioned Officers School I was attending while on active duty military service. The assignment was to define the word “Patriotism”. Desert Shield/ Storm was gearing up and at the time no one knew what the outcome would eventually be. I wrote the ‘letter’ after realizing that I may very well soon go to war. It was published in the US Congressional Record and won an award along the way.
As it turned out, the ‘bark’ of Desert Storm was far worse than it’s ‘bite’and after it was all over I put the “letter” away and it was forgotten.
Until the events of September 11th 2001.
Today, I find myself a member of the Florida Army National Guard, assigned to a front line combat unit. My daughter is 11 years old. And I stand now,as I stood when the ‘letter’ was first published, ready to go to war.)
My definition of “Patriotism” is contained in the letter below written to my daughter. It is to be read by her on the occasion of her 18th birthday.
As I write this, you have just turned two years old.
I knew the day you were born that no matter how many more children your mother and I might bring into this world from that moment on, that you would always be a little more special, because you are the first, our “teacher”, so to speak and your mother and I want to raise you right, with the same morals and values we learned in our childhood.
You now stand on the threshold of adulthood, and as you read this I hope we have taught you well. Soon you’ll enter a brand new world. A place filled with thousands of strange, fascinating, wonderful people. People from all over the Earth. Rich, poor, black, white, yellow, all who have gathered together and who all have one very
important thing in common.
We all call ourselves Americans.
You see, honey you were lucky enough to be born into a place we call “America”. A place founded many, many, years ago by men who wanted nothing more than to live in a land where they would be free to worship in their own way, on their own terms, not those of others. A place where they could live free from the oppression of others. They formed this country, these “United States of America”, so they could enjoy what they called: “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.” In their time, these men were called “patriots”.
These men, these “patriots”, believed in this dream of a free country so strongly that they took up arms against their oppressors, eventually driving them from this land. And In the process, some ultimately gave their lives in doing so.
In the many years since this country’s founding, many thousands of others have also given their lives in defense of this country, this dream, so all of us could live in freedom.
I tell you all this, sweetheart, because I’ve chosen a profession that puts me at a greater risk than the average person, a risk that I may very well not be around when you read this. You see, I’ve chosen to be one of the thousands of people who stand ready to defend this country, this dream, wherever we may have to travel or whatever the cost may be in it’s defense, even if it means I personally must pay the highest cost of all.
You see my darling daughter, I am a soldier.
Now please don’t get me wrong, I want to be there to walk you down the aisle, spoil my grandchildren, hear you say “gee dad you were right ” and pick you up when you fall.
But if by some decree God, in his infinite wisdom, tells me I must make the ultimate sacrifice, then know this: That I did so willingly and without reservation. Defending the dream of freedom. I died at peace, firmly believing that no human being should be oppressed. That no person, regardless of where they are should be anything other than free. Free to make their own choices in life, not to have the wills of others forced upon them. That all persons should enjoy “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.”
Don’t grieve for me, instead take comfort in the fact that I played a small role in insuring that the dream of freedom will be alive for you, my child, as well as your children their children and children for generations to come.
And never forget that my love for freedom and most of all for you, will never die.
Love,
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